I've decided to visit Mom before Christmas. I'm going to go alone or maybe with Noah if Rob doesn't have him during that time. It will be easier for me to handle the situation alone because I don't know what to expect, and it's easier for me to just handle it than to worry about how someone else is handling it. Honestly, it will be easier for me to make sure that her physical needs are being met than to talk with her regularly on the phone. Sad, but true. I will feel guilty **I'm already feeling guilty** if I don't take some sort of physical action.

Adam and I had some time to ourselves this weekend and ventured from the confines of New Market. It seems that during our most recent moments without the boys we've been too tired to do anything other than basic recuperation.

Unfortunately, the weekend wasn't perfect. My mom, who is 53, called to tell me that she was diagnosed with early on-set alzheimers. Because my relationship with my mother is nearly nonexistent yet inexplicably complicated, I'm unsure how to handle the news. I just don't know. I haven't seen her in 6 years, and within the 6 years, I've probably talked with her less than 10 times. I have no clue what her situation is like. Does she have someone to care for her? I don't know. Should I become involved? I don't know. I do know that I've woken up the past two nights worrying about it, and it's upsetting my stomach even now to write about it.

I'm also worried about the remainder of the semester. I just need for it to end. It's been a rough semester, and this school year has aroused an anxiety in me that I haven't had in quite a while. It's always quietly gnawing at me beneath the surface.

I've been on antibiotics for three days, and I thought this sinus infection would be clearing up by now. I don't feel horrible by any means, but going to bed with a sore throat each night and waking up in the middle of the night because it's hard to breathe is just no fun.

I'm glad Alabama won yesterday. Talk about pins and needles... I had planned to make football game food, but we still have so much Thanksgiving food that it seemed a waste.

Adam and I have the day and night free. I don't care what we do tonight, but I do know that we are not sitting at home.

Team Panagos had a successful Thanksgiving. Adam made a great turkey, and we had a plentiful spread of side dishes. My parents and Brent came over, and we played a little wiffle ball after stuffing ourselves. After they left, we had a nap, and now I'm feeling a little antsy. It is this antsy feeling that makes spending money at Black Friday sales tempting. I've never felt even mildly tempted to participate in the Black Friday frenzy. Weird.

I have been in a foul mood for several days now. I don't know why specifically. I have allowed several snappy comments to pass my lips and squelched more than I'd care to admit.

Hopefully, I'll wake up on the right side of the bed in the morning. Actually, the bed may be part of the problem. I haven't been able to sleep comfortably without sleeping way over on Adam's side or scooting way down to the foot of the bed with my feet hanging over the edge. Perhaps it's time to turn the mattress.

Tomorrow is turkey day. I'm looking forward to this holiday weekend. I just hope I don't ruin it for everyone else.

Noah got a PS3 yesterday. Our children now own all the major gaming systems. Spoiled? Yes, much. All this gadgetry would make my soul hurt, but Noah is outside skateboarding right now. I don't mind gadgetry as long as it's not the only thing he does to occupy his time.

Speaking of gadgetry occupying time, I think I've done as much with my new phone as I care to do. I have it set up the way I want it. I'll continue to play with it, etc., but it is starting to feel more like a communication device and less like a new-fangled puzzle-piece of the future.

I'm a dork. Officially.

Adam and I had a good weekend. We watched a movie with Gavin and Aidan Friday night, and then on Saturday, we went to eat at Surin for the first time in forever. Adam, Noah, and I went to Monte Sano Sunday morning and walked the white trail, which was invigorating.

Adam was super productive this weekend, but I cannot say the same for myself. He cooked Noah's fave casserole, mowed the grass, and cleaned out the garage. I... um... dusted. I'll have to make up for that next weekend, I suppose.

I spent most of my time looking up vacation prices, which was really daunting and disappointing. How much money does one have to make in order to travel? We were kind of hoping to forego buying each other Christmas presents and taking a little trip, but there is no such thing as a little trip if it involves flights/hotels. A hike in Sedona or Tuscon, AZ might as well be a cruise to the Caribbean.

After searching for hours... literally for hours... I think it will be best to wait until summer and take our trips then. Maybe we can work in a romantic adventure getaway in Glacier National Park in Montana and also take the boys to the beach.

I have the makings of a sinus infection. Yucky nose+ stuffy ears+sore throat=yuck. I simply cannot miss work this week, so I'm going to do my best to ignore it.

I survived the week. Adam and I drove to and from PA for Aunt Dee's visitation in 48 hours. Basically, we were on the road 26 out of those 48 hours. It was grueling. I'm so thankful Adam decided to come along because I think I would have been even more delirious had I been by myself. That is just too much driving. I could never be a truck driver.

We came home and realized that the housekeepers had accidentally locked Jarvis Cocker in the closet on Tuesday. Yes. This means that poor Jarvis was locked in the closet for at least 48 hours, if not a little longer. Needless to say, we had to rent a RugDoctor and clean the carpet in the closet, wash clothes, and throw away stuff that was just too disgusting to salvage after making that trip.

Oh well. At least Jarvis is alive and well.

I'm ready for a fun and chill weekend. :o)

Today, Noah's godmother died.  From the first time that I went to Pennsylvania, Dee always went above and beyond to make me feel welcome and loved.  She took her role as godmother seriously and devoted herself to Noah's happiness. 

She had some heart trouble about three weeks ago, and they released her to come home on Friday.  Thankfully, Noah spoke with her on Friday.  She died today in her bathroom with one of her sisters and her best friend there by her side and while they waited on the ambulance.  Though it wasn't a total shock, I had really thought she was on the up and up.

Ahh, me. 

On Thursday, Susanna and I went to see Leonard Cohen.  We sat 8th row, center and watched Leonard give us his all.  He was surrounded by musicians' musicians, and everything about the concert was in the best of taste.  We stayed at a hotel right across the street, which was nice.  On Friday, we went to the Pancake Pantry and then worked off our french toast in the hotel's gym.  We had a leisurely drive back and sang our favorite Leonard Cohen songs while driving through the rolling hills of Tennessee.  On the whole, we had a much needed and totally worthwhile girlcation.

Famous Blue Raincoat... 


I'm Your Man...  The quintessential Leonard Cohen song


If It Be Your Will... Leonard and the Webb Sisters


The Gypsy Wife... One of our fave songs from the concert


Also, I'm crushing hardcore on Dino Soldo.  He had us swooning.  :o)

Today I judged Trumbauer and then went to watch Gavin's last soccer game of the season.  It's been a good weekend, I must say.

 

I have been sick since Thursday evening.  On the plus side, I've lost 6 lbs.

Um, I have been throwing up all night.  I think I've slept maybe an hour. 

Ok, I'll be the first to admit that it kind of pathetic that I am obsessed with Adam Lambert youtube videos.  I just love his voice and his theatrics.  He rocks David Bowie, Queen, etc., like only a flamboyant gay man can.

My sweet husband's bday is today.  He is my all-time favorite.  How many more minutes until he pulls into the driveway?

I checked Noah out of school 30 minutes early on Friday, and we went bday shopping for Adam.  On Saturday, Noah played a doubleheader in baseball and then with neighborhood friends.  He also went to granddad's, so I'm sure that was icing on the cake for him.

Other than that, Adam and I had a chill weekend.  We had a mediocre dinner experience at Mikatos on Friday and watched some football Saturday afternoon and wandered around town aimlessly Saturday night.  Paranormal Activity was scary.  It wasn't the scariest movie I've ever seen, but it did a great job of evoking fear on a minimal budget. 

My Sunday has been disappointing.  I'm kind of tired of dreading Sundays.  I now associate it with grocery lists and grocery shopping.  I no longer want to spend my Sundays like this; it makes it feel like part of the work week and less like part of the weekend.  Henceforth, my Sundays are going to be reserved for fun and relaxation.  If it means we go without groceries, so be it.  Personally, I'd rather pick stuff up after work and as needed. 

Is there any new TV show worse than CougarTown?

I really wanted to like it, but I tried watching this week's episode and couldn't finish it.  It was just incredibly dumb and annoying.

I had a blah kind of Thursday.  I dropped my laptop while walking down the stairs, and though it now looks like it's in working order again, it doesn't feel like it's in working order.  It keeps losing its internet connection and made a funny fan sound when I booted it up the first time.  Maybe the techno fairies worked on it last night.

"What Teachers Make, or
Objection Overruled, or
If things don't work out, you can always go to law school"
Taylor Mali

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you're a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

When I was little and sick, I remember having a toothache or being sick and wondering why I didn't go to the dentist and to the doctor like my friends did.  As I got older, I assumed that it was because we didn't have insurance.

I now have insurance.

And I still can't afford to pay for the dentist.

$1700.

Not cool.

I've had a successful weekend.

I had a genuinely great Friday at school (of all places) and then Adam and I went to Thai Garden for dinner.  We then went to see Upon Their Shoulders, which is the play to which Susanna contributed so much of her expertise. 

I am interested in Huntsville history.  My great-grandparents on my dad's mother's side of the family (Sally "Bessie" Gill Lang and Archie Lee Lang) lived off Meridian Street on Neely Street and worked in Lincoln Mill (and even worked on the arsenal making mustard gas at one point).   As a matter of fact, I remember their house, even though I do not remember them at all.  There were a series of large concrete buildings, and it was kind of like an apartment because several people lived in each building.  The buildings no longer exist.  But I do remember this place because one of their neighbors heard me struggling to say my ABC's backwards while I was sitting on the steps of the porch.  He was an older black man who was blind in one, if not both, eyes.  He told me to give the song a rhythm, and then I would be able to remember it.  He taught me how to do that, and I can still say my ABC's backwards. 

My dad worked at the Huntsville Manufacturing Company in his teens and once had his hand caught between two giant metal rollers.  His knuckles were crushed, and he stopped the nearby motor running the machine with the strength of his other free hand.  He had to wait and to work nearly two weeks before he was seen by the company's doctor who had to rebreak his fingers to set them correctly.  My dad said that construction work and cabinet making were much easier jobs than working in the mills. 

Because I still can't sleep.

On Thursday, Noah made friends in the neighborhood.  He is on cloud nine.  They ride dirtbikes, play sports, and get muddy.  All three of Noah's basic requirements have been met.  On Friday, we had dinner with Adam's parents.  Adam's dad interviewed for a job in Huntsville that day, and they might be moving down, which would be great for the boys.  On Saturday, Adam and I watched football and baseball and ate our legendary chicken curry (and if I'm still awake in an hour, I might demolish the rest of it).  On Sunday, Adam put Aidan's big boy bed together while I was at the doctor's office.  Currently, Aidan is curled up in his Star Wars sheets and snuggled to his Master Yoda.  Gavin cleaned his room to tip-top condition without anyone asking him to do so.  Awesomeness.  And Adam, the boys, and I roasted marshmellows over our new fire pit.  The boys also had a dance off.  Then my unshowered husband and I cuddled and watched Adventureland, which has the best soundtrack I've heard in awhile.  

Fall break:  Chill, but satisfying.